How Does the Brain Adjust to Loss?

Welcome back to MyBio.life blog. Whether you’re here because you recently lost a loved one, are going through anticipatory grief, or are simply curious and want to learn more about loss to help a friend or family member, you’re in a safe space. Many of our team members can relate to what you’re going through, and we’re here to help.

Loss can be defined as the experience of something or someone important being taken away from us. This can be a physical loss, like the death of a loved one, or a more abstract loss, like the end of a relationship or a job. Regardless of the specific type of loss you’re experiencing, your brain goes through a remarkable process to try to understand and cope with this change.

This intricate process, triggered by the emotional turmoil of loss, involves different parts of the brain working together to navigate this difficult experience. Let’s delve deeper and explore how the brain reflects some key stages of grief, such as denial and anger.

The Impact of Loss on the Brain

CS Lewis once said that it is not just that his friend died, it’s that the part of him that only his friend could bring out would never be brought back. This feeling resonates deeply because loss isn’t just about the person who’s gone; it’s about the unique connection and part of ourselves that goes with them. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant move, loss undeniably impacts our brain. 

The sense of belonging, continuity, and grounding we receive from others is reflected in our biological systems. When that connection is broken, shifts occur in brain regions associated with emotions, social interaction, and self-perception. Understanding these changes doesn’t minimise your grief; it validates your emotional response and helps you navigate the grieving process with self-compassion.

Imagine your brain as a vast network of neurons, constantly firing to establish patterns for social interactions and emotional well-being. When we experience loss, specific brain regions become more active in an attempt to process these difficult emotions. The “basal ganglia,” a group of neurons within the brain, are involved in various functions, including movement and habit formation.  Other areas like “the amygdala” process emotions like fear and sadness.

As C.S. Lewis mentioned, the loss of a loved one impacts our sense of belonging, like if something had been taken away from us. This feeling is provoked, in part by changes in our brain. Our routines and interactions are disrupted, triggering the basal ganglia to become more active, leading to a feeling of emptiness and a desire to re-establish those lost connections.

On the other hand, the amygdala may become more active, leading to heightened feelings of isolation and a sense of something missing.

The Stages of Grief and the Brain

We tend to describe the stages of grief by using the emotional journey popularised by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. 

Denial: During denial, the brain might be in a state of shock, trying to protect itself from the overwhelming reality of the loss. This could involve decreased activity in areas associated with emotional processing.

Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, anger can arise. This might be reflected in increased activity in the amygdala, which processes emotions like anger and fear.

Bargaining: Bargaining represents a desperate attempt to regain control or undo the loss. This could involve heightened activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in planning and decision-making.

Depression: Depression is characterised by sadness, withdrawal, and a sense of hopelessness. This might be linked to decreased activity in areas associated with reward and motivation, such as the nucleus accumbens.

Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t erase the pain of loss, but signifies a gradual integration of the loss into one’s life. This might involve a shift in brain activity towards areas associated with emotional regulation and coping mechanisms.

It’s important to remember that these are just potential connections. Brain research on grief is ongoing, and the specific neural correlates of each stage are still being explored. Additionally, the Stages of Grief are not a rigid framework. People may experience these emotions in a different order, or not at all

Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder

Grief is a natural and necessary process of healing after a loss. However, for some of us, it can become overwhelming and persistent, leading to Prolonged Grief Disorder.

One of grief’s most challenging aspects is feeling trapped within it. When cherishing memories, photos, or reliving past moments feels like the only way to stay connected to your loved one, it brings sadness but offers a temporary solace. 

However, this intense focus can make it difficult to move forward. Many individuals feel guilt when trying to distract themselves with other activities which deepens the struggle. 

Finding the right balance during this healing journey is crucial – how can we honour our loved ones while allowing ourselves to move forward without feeling like we’re betraying them?

The Path to Healing

CS Lewis also said “ How often — will it be for always? — how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, “I never realised my loss till this moment”? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

It’s natural to wonder what the path to healing looks like. Are you questioning if you could have done something differently? Do you want to stay connected to anything related to them? Are you wondering why this happened to you? There are many ways to process loss, and you should not feel any guilt for processing it YOUR WAY. 

If we refer to C.S. Lewis’s overview of grief, we need to understand that the way your brain processes loss may make you feel closely tied to it. Understanding that a natural reaction of the brain doesn’t define you by this loss is essential. The relationship may have ended, but life goes on for you, and you should not feel guilty about it.

You may be tempted to isolate yourself and surround yourself only with memories of the absent person. While keeping memories of your loved one and honouring them is important, it does not mean you should avoid seeking help or surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy during this difficult time. Trying new activities or connecting with new people can help you realise that although your unique relationship is gone, other worthwhile ones are waiting for you.

You’re probably wondering what the timeline for healing is. There is no set timeline for your feelings. People may put pressure on the grieving individual to move on, but only those in the relationship truly know what it meant.

Whether you decide to find comfort in maintaining your normal routine or feel the need to adjust things, do things your way. Be honest with yourself about how you’re adapting to grief while managing your life responsibilities the best way you can. 

To learn more about grief, discover our Tips on How to Help Someone Who’s Grieving