How to talk about death with children?

At a very young age, most children start asking questions. Questions related to death or birth tend to embarrass us. You may wonder how you should respond to your children’s natural curiosity. How should we approach a death topic with them?
Today, MyBio.Life is sharing its best tips when it comes to approaching a death topic with children.

At what age should the death topic be discussed with your children?

It is advisable to wait until your child starts asking questions. These questions may occur after the death of a loved one or can be based on what your child has watched on the television, read in a book or heard at school or other family members.

Usually, a child starts asking questions around the age of 6 unless they have been confronted the notion of death before at a young age.
At this age, children are very aware of the irreversible nature of death. This is why they tend to ask many questions and/or can seem anxious about it.

It is very important to answer their questions without anticipating them. They will ask these questions related to death once they are ready to hear and accept your answers.

Talking about death with children: How to explain them?

Sometimes, the best explanation is the simplest. Most professionals recommend keeping answers short and responsive to the age of the child. For example, you may tell your children that their grandfather is dead “because he has finished living” instead of “because he went to heaven for a long time”.

Being not realistic and approaching a death topic by explaining that “ the dead person went to bed for a very long time” can create anxiety at bedtime.

Try to be clear in your message to the age of the child and honest. Your explanations should align with your vision of death. In fact, you may not know what happens after death. Everyone has his own answers about after death. Feel free to share yours with your kids, they will make up their own mind as time goes.

If questions arise following the death of a loved one, explain the reasons behind the death of this person. Was this loved one too old? Was he/she very ill?
It is also ok to share your sadness with your child rather than hiding it. They will understand your sadness if you explain every reason behind it.

Don’t underestimate a child’s grief either. They may go back to playing once a death is announced. However, it does not mean they are not affected. They need to process the information and will talk to you about it once they feel like it or need to. When they do, be there to answer their questions.

Do not hesitate to invite them to come to the funeral. Of course, you may leave them with the choice. Rituals can be good for everyone, even children! Attending a funeral is not at all traumatic as long as the child is not forced and that their questions are answered.

Of course, you will have to adapt the answers according to the age of the child… There are many books to help you, which are suggested in the useful links at the bottom of this article.

Blog article about death topic with children

Death makes your kids anxious, he/she asks many questions

Sometimes the concept of death can be a source of anxiety for the child, whether it is their own death or their parent’s one. They can be scared to go to sleep at night for fear of not waking up.

Firstly, it is important to try to understand where these fears come from. Talk freely with your child/ren to find out why they are scared of death and respond to these fears with your love.

You may need to take some time to explain and discuss the death topic further at some stage. Death ought not be a taboo subject, your child needs to be reassured, explain it in your own words, your beliefs, otherwise the imagination will take over and will only increase the anxiety issue.

You may feel uncomfortable with this topic as well. If you went through difficult bereavement, traumatic loss of a loved one in childhood, it may be difficult to talk about it with your child. In these situations, try to consider external professional support.

You child is trying to deal with the death of a loved one and feels guilty

Often the first relationship with death for a child is the death of a grandparent. Thiscan be a painful loss for you, and you have the right to express your sadness even in front of your child.
As much as your children may feel sad to see you feel that way, it is important to make sure that they do feel guilty or overwhelmed.

Your child may still be at an age when they think they are all powerful, so may feel responsible for the death or for your sadness. Don’t hesitate to discuss it with them, to reassure and tell them its not their fault.

The most important thing to remember from this Blog article is that death is natural, universal, unpredictable and inevitable.